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Title: Gray supremacy
Version: 2.06
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This blog contains nothing important and most of the content are nonsensical.Read at your own risks!
Monday, April 7, 2008/ 10:52 PM
I'm really putting myself to a limit.
I did think a lot.
This year the time I spent for thinking might be equal to a whole year worth of thoughts.
To no conclusion, but I just kept thinking.
Did I become a better person?
Hah, just read my friend's blog yesterday.
"Ước gì được như ngày xưa, em và cưng chat với nhau sến đến mức chuối cũng phải rụng..."
Remind of the past I have forgotten.
The happy past which I never think I could forget, or even think of forgetting.
9 more months and I would become eighteen.
But I never I have grown up from a kid.
I used to be absent-minded, to be naive and innocent.
I was treated with special care.
My parents never directly told me what to do and what not to.
They always stayed behind me, guiding me, encouraging me.
Subtly provide me with what I need, vaguely tell me what I should know.
They wanted me to grow up independently.
I was independent.
I got the scholarship, and went to Singapore to study.
I never thought I could have gotten it.
Maybe just some errors in calculating my scores
Or a stroke of luck.
Or maybe I was really on form that day.
Who cares then.
I came to Singapore.
I promised my parents I would be okay on my own.
I promised my friends not to forget of them.
I promised myself I would prove my own worth.
I was really a good promiser.
Now I have become a liar.
Who can never keep his words.
I lost 7 kg, after months of unhealthy living.
I did not participate in any CCA activities for the whole first year( I had, but negligible)
I could not control my life to go in the correct way.
I could not make myself better.
I forgot my friends. Not that I didnt remember them, just that I was too lazy to contact them.
I screwed up in group work. My deepest apologies for everyone who was in the same group with me last year, in whatever subject, whatever project. I was really lazy last year.
My English just won't improve. I wanted to be a good guy, a sociable guy as I am. But I could not. Because of my English. Can never express what I mean. Can never show my true self. Can never enjoy life to the fullest.
I got frustrated since I cant express myself truly. I became depressed and irritable. My apologies, my friends, if ever I have been mean to you.
I am an arrogant person. I believe in myself. And I got the feeling that people do not trust me. Not a big thing. But sometimes, I got jealous. I am contradictory. When I know something, I really want people to ask me about it. But when people keep bugging me for all the stupid questions I got irritated and I might be mean.
I study for 30 minutes and I get bored. I play for 30 minutes then I get bored. I listen to music for 30 minutes and I also get bored.
I like changes, I like abnormalities. I like quaintness. I like unique things. I like unusual things.
My life was as good as I wanted it to be.
But that was not a problem of fate.
it is just that i did not have the determination.
Now im concentrating, and im striving.
To get determined, to get agitated.
And maybe I will be better
Someday.
Like an ugly cocoon.
waiting for the day it becomes a butterfly.
But butterfly is also a bug.
But who cares, as long as it is a better bug than cocoon,
1 bothered.